A Hymn to Terror and to Love (17.10.17)

They say the Lord is thy shepherd, but I have surely forgotten myself.

Decisions I’ve made in the shadow of God come to pass with startling normalcy.

What is it to pass a no longer living life and to know one must flush it away?

What is it to have the fear of losing one held so dear?

What is your joy is your sorrow unmasked, indeed.

I stopped listening & so you stopped singing.

I vowed once again to listen, and you sung of the great mountain mother.

This is my path. My path to the mountain.

I must go, in the face of all that places grief in my heart,

For grief is truly all the love that has nowhere to go.

The crossroads is here, & magically here. Normal. Surreal.

Be. Here.

And to my love – to my heart – know that I feel to say I love you as I love life itself – for you have shown me all that is real and all that is false in this world.

In your eyes I find the courage to allow myself –

to allow the terror the uncertainty the terror and the unwavering love.

Perhaps love is terror itself for I have never been so aware of lifes joy + sorrow at the same time.

I have never been so aware of how lucky I am to be  here to be living alive, for my family and to have found you.

And even if – just in case – you have been my saving Grace.

Thank you for taking a chance with me for the endless hours in each others arms, for the flashes of God I see behind my eyes when into your lips I finally sigh –

I love you all of you, with everything in me that is surely True.

Forever + a day, Kels xxx